"no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel.
This joke is lethal
meeting celebrities is an interesting thing because some people spend their life savings to get one photo and hug with their idol while others find them in like the cereal aisle at the grocery store
[inhales] [exhales] [looks out into the sunset] the sweet smell of not being in high school
[remembers that i have no idea what i want to do for my future] [continues to stare out into the sunset] shit
•start at one corner
•find something from 5 years ago and stare at it nostalgically for 10 hours
•go to bed
my mom is telling me “get a good job” but my heart is telling me “marry rich”
you know what kills me, what really haunts my deepest darkest dreams? harry using lumos at privet drive in prisoner of azkaban to do his homework. WARNER BROTHERS! Harry Potter WAS NOT ALLOWED TO DO MAGIC OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. THAT’S WHY HE RAN AWAY AFTER BLOWING UP HIS FUCKING AUNT. Do you understand the MAJOR continuity problem in your adaptation of this billion-dollar book series? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
This was the absolute worst
So, I was in the car today and saw someone with the license plate “X0DUS3 5”, so I thought it was like Exodus 3:5 and I looked it up, and do you know what it said?
"Do not come any closer"
when you hear your mom coming home and remember all the chores you were supposed to do
Lemon is someone out theres favorite.
thats the most uplifting thing ive read all day